


Growth

by Laramie



Series: Aaron the gardener AU [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 21:31:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18599800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laramie/pseuds/Laramie
Summary: The conversation somewhat conspicuous by its absence fromWhat is watered, grows, the AU where Aaron is a gardener and Robert is his hot client and they spend a happy summer flirting and falling in love. This one isn't so sunny, but is still pretty soft."Can I ask you about these now?" Robert asked tentatively, still touching the marks gently."'Bout what?"Robert almost lost his nerve, but the fact that Aaron was now comfortable enough with Robert touching his scars to not immediately grasp what he was talking about spurred him on.





	Growth

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS for discussion of Aaron's past, including Gordon and his abuse, self-harm and suicide attempt.

**9th November 2014**

They had been together just over three months, counting from that meal at Robert's which they had agreed between them as being "the start", when Robert finally asked. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon; they had lingered over a Sunday lunch and were now entangled on Robert's sofa watching a Bourne film. The two of them were sprawled across it, leaning against one end, with Aaron's back against Robert's front and Robert's arm draped around him. Robert's hand was under Aaron's jumper, stroking Aaron's scarred stomach and feeling the soft, uneven texture of the skin on Aaron's full belly under his fingertips.

"Aaron?" he murmured, instinctively pressing the line of his nose against the back of Aaron's head to hide his face, even though Aaron couldn't see it.

"Mm?" Aaron grunted.

"Can I ask you about these now?" Robert asked tentatively, still touching the marks gently.

"'Bout what?"

Robert almost lost his nerve, but the fact that Aaron was now comfortable enough with Robert touching his scars to not immediately grasp what he was talking about spurred him on. He moved his hand to Aaron's left arm, which was on top, holding it in both of their visions and tracing, through Aaron's sleeve, where he knew the long scar ran down the middle of Aaron's forearm with his thumb. "The scars," he said quietly. He listened to Aaron breathing, not daring to himself. He both wanted to see Aaron's face and was glad that he could not.

"Okay," Aaron said at last.

Robert blinked in surprise and picked up the TV remote from off the seat cushion in front of Aaron. He turned the volume down before wrapping his arm tighter around Aaron's torso and waiting.

In the last few days, Robert had begun toying with the idea of asking Aaron to move in with him. It was far too soon, of course; ludicrously soon. And yet Aaron spent so much time at his already that he was practically living there anyway; he had a toothbrush in Robert's bathroom and a spare pair of work boots in the hall. He had his own mug in Robert's kitchen cupboard and a multipack of his favourite crisps lying on the counter. The only thing missing was a key to the front door.

"When I was a kid," Aaron began in a rush, then stopped suddenly.

Robert's heart clenched and he closed his eyes, breathing in the familiar, waxy scent of the nape of Aaron's neck. This was going to be  _ bad _ , he could feel it.

"When I was a kid," Aaron said again, more slowly. "My dad... What have I told you about him?"

"Basically nothing."

"He..." Aaron was withdrawing into himself, squeezing his shoulders up towards his ears as though he was trying to retreat into a turtle shell. "He - He raped me."

A soft gasp escaped Robert. It felt suddenly wrong to be lying down, and he sat up slowly while Aaron adjusted and sat next to him. They turned to face each other and Robert took Aaron's hand in both of his; he watched Aaron watching him trace circles with his thumb on Aaron's skin. Aaron's eyes were wet.

"It was more than once," Aaron went on after a minute. "I didn't tell anyone at the time. I didn't think anyone would believe me. I kind of blamed my mum for it for a while - felt like she should have known somehow, like she should have stopped it. But she thought she was doing her best for me, leaving me with him."

This made sense of how overprotective Chas was over her son, Robert thought; he had picked up on it even after meeting her only a few times, mostly when he and Aaron went back to her pub for a drink. But then, Robert couldn't imagine knowing Aaron and  _ not _ wanting to keep him safe from everything that could ever hurt him.

"Did your dad do these, then?" Robert asked hoarsely.

Aaron shook his head. "I left," he said. "Went to stay with mum. It was... Well, I wasn't doing that great, I was a difficult kid, but it was kind of okay for a while. Then I started realising I was gay. Felt like he'd done it, like I'd be giving in to what he'd done if I accepted it." Aaron scrubbed his free hand over his face, sniffing, then put a hand on his stomach. Robert's chest _ ached  _ for the little boy Aaron had been. "Doin' this... helped. Still don't know why, don't understand it myself."

"Wait," Robert said, feeling breathless and panicked. "You did it to yourself?"

Aaron nodded, sniffing again. "Yeah." He still hadn't met Robert's eye since he had started speaking. "I thought he'd made me gay, because of what he did."

Robert lifted Aaron's hand and pressed it against his own cheek, cursing his inability to go back in time and protect Aaron from everything. "Aaron, that's not how that works," he said softly.

"Yeah, I  _ know _ that now," Aaron said, looking up at him at last. A small smile shined through his tears. "I know that. But I didn't at the time. And I didn't know what else to do." He pulled his hands away, tugging his sleeves over his hands and wiping his face with them. "Tried to kill myself with a car exhaust," he added, almost like an afterthought, as though he wanted to get it all out quickly, in one go.

Robert wanted to touch him so badly his fingers hurt. There was nothing as important as being close to him. "Aaron, can I kiss you?"

The vulnerability in Aaron's face cut him open. "You still want to?"

"Of  _ course _ I do," Robert whispered. He kissed the corner of Aaron's mouth, then the other corner, his cheek and his temple and his forehead and finally his lips.

When they pulled away, Aaron smiled wearily at him, then sighed. "That's not the whole thing."

Robert went cold. He had rather thought that was it. He put his hand on Aaron's thigh and waited.

"There was Jackson."

Robert nodded; Aaron had told him about that, though he had skimmed over what he now realised was a period of self-harm with the phrase 'I was in a pretty dark place for a while.'

"You know about that already. And then... He turned up again, a while ago."

"Your dad?"

"Yeah. Just turned up in the pub asking about us - me and mum. It was like he'd forgotten. Like it meant so little to him, he barely even remembered it. He got back with my mum for a while. I was spinning out, I, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't go home; Ashley, the vicar, found me a place to stay for a bit. He knew something was up. Came back to check on me one day and I'd..." He broke off and looked down at his left forearm, so intently it was as though he could see straight through the soft navy fabric. "I wasn't...  _ trying _ to kill myself, exactly," he said quietly, as though from a long way away. "But at the same time... I did want to die. Was kind of hoping that I would. But like I said, Ashley found me, called an ambulance. I got blood poisoning; it took me ages to recover, and it was pretty obvious I'd done it to myself so they kept sending this bloke in from the mental health team or whatever and in the end, I... I told him why."

"That was really brave," Robert told him.

Aaron gave a little shrug, like he didn't believe it but wasn't going to bother arguing. Robert wanted to shake him.  _ You're amazing! _ he wanted to shout.  _ How can you not see that? I love you! _

He twitched at that last thought, becoming very abruptly aware of the truth of it. For a few seconds, it felt almost impossible not to say it; but he didn't want to say those words to Aaron for the first time in the middle of all this. He wanted Aaron to be feeling warm and soft and safe.

"Did you tell anyone else?" Robert asked instead, with a little effort. He rubbed Aaron's thigh comfortingly.

"Told my mum, my family. Everyone found out in the end, basically. I... I took him to court, actually. He got sent down for it. It nearly killed me, but I think it was worth it. And I found Liv again, because her mum was with my dad when it was all going on so the police found her -  _ eventually _ \- to ask her to testify."

Aaron licked his lips and swallowed. "He killed himself in prison."

"Oh..." Robert looked into Aaron's face, trying to figure out his feelings on that. "I'm not sure if it's appropriate to offer commiserations."

Aaron smiled weakly at him. "Neither am I. Anyway, that's..." Aaron rubbed his face on his sleeves again. "That's it, really, I suppose. And I haven't - haven't done it since he died. So I'm not... a head case, or something."

Something inside Robert tightened at that. He put his arm around Aaron's shoulders, his other around Aaron's waist, pressing the sides of their faces together. "You're amazing," he said shakily. "That's what you are."

Aaron gave an uncertain laugh, looking down shyly when they pulled back. Robert cupped his cheek and tipped his chin up. "I mean it. I'm so... I'm in  _ awe _ of you, completely."

Aaron smiled at him, his eyes shining. "Yeah?"

Robert grinned back, his heart swelling with emotion. "Yeah."

**Author's Note:**

> I got such a lovely response to _What is watered, grows_ that I just had to write this little sequel as a couple of people requested :) I hope it was everything you wished for.


End file.
